April 15, 2021
Visitation is a BIG thing on death row. In prison in general, it is big; but for death row it is REALLY big. One of the reasons why is because so many people come to death row defeated in mind and in spirit. Going to trial and being convicted and sentenced to death seems to make a lot of people feel that their life is worthless. And this feeling is compounded when family and friends abandon you. There is NOTHING in prison that makes you feel any sort of comfort that can take away that feeling of being condemned.
Here on Texas Death Row, when a person first arrives, many times they will be given a “care package” that fellow prisoners put together for them to help them out for their first days and even week here. Tooth paste, deodorant, shorts, t-shirts, shower slides (so that they have something to put on their feet while they shower), soups, a few snacks, writing tablets, pens, envelopes and stamps. This show of generosity is often met with suspicion, because of the common prison tales about accepting “gifts” from other prisoners. But such nonsense is quickly debunked and for many prisoners the feeling of not being worth anything begins to fade some, even if the nightmare of why they are here doesn’t. But I think that the biggest thing to help people when they first come to death row is when pen-pal sites are shared with them, which they are urged to sign up for and place adds on them. Being able to connect with ANYONE who is not in prison is sort of a chance at “normalcy”. A chance to have this ideal that even though you are not in the world you’re still somehow a part of it. Even in a limited way. However, here in Texas, and especially on death row, there is this real effort to cut us off from society as much as possible. There is no television here, only that which can be listened to by radio (if you are lucky), no connection to the internet. No way to make regular phone calls. And until recently phone calls could only be made every 3-6 months and that is only if you didn’t have a disciplinary case. Even a minor infraction could have your call denied and then you’d have to wait another 3-6 months to make a call. And when this call is approved, it is ONLY for five MINUTES. And even when the call is approved, there has to be guards that are available to come and get you to make the call. And the time when the call is made is very arbitrary. The call could be made early in the morning or late at night. A person has to be very determined to make this call because there is a LOT that is done to discourage it. And there has to be people who are willing to accept calls from you that may come at times that is not ideal. Now because of the covid-crisis, we are allowed to place calls weekly, but still only for five minutes and the guards bring around a mobile phone which they attach to the screen on the door so that we can talk with someone who answers the phone. Just like there is a lot of things that is in place to make phone calls harder to make than should be necessary, there is a bigger effort to discourage visits.
When a person on death row has a regular reliable pen-friend, one of the first things they’ll want to do is visit. I know that when I was ready to get my first visit, it was with my mother. It was a much needed visit. It renewed me in ways that would help strengthen me for the fight ahead, which I am still fighting to regain my freedom. But the chance to visit with my first pen-friend was different. I was prepared for the humiliating process which we all have to go through to get a visit. But for someone who has not been through this process, it is a real shock.
Guard: “You ready for your visit?”
Inmate: “Yes!”
Guard: “OK, let me get your clothes and strip out”
(Slot in the door is opened, shoes, socks, t-shirt, shorts and prison jumper is handed through the slot, which the guard keeps. An inmate stands naked waiting for the clothes to be given back so that he can get dressed and be escorted to visit)
Guard (while still holding inmate clothes): “OK, lift your hands, open your mouth, run your fingers through your hair, lift your testicles, turn around, lift the bottoms of your feet. OK, NOW BEND OVER AND SPREAD ‘EM!”
No matter how many times you go through this, there is always this instant shock at having been ordered to bend over and spread your ass cheeks. See, as simple as this process may see to some people, it is everything but simple. Not even considering the psychological aspects of the process. There is this sadistic way in which this process plays out. Sometimes the guard will ask that you lift your testicles first and THEN stick your fingers in your mouth and stretch it open. Sometimes even after spreading your ass cheeks. If there is a complaint about the order of the process, your visit can be denied. And if you bend over, BUT to the guard you haven’t bent over enough, they will make you start over and do it again. Same if an inmate hasn’t spread open his ass wide enough for them. And many times an inmate has looked back over his shoulder or turned around only to find the guard SQUATTING DOWN WITH HIS FACE CLOSE TO THE OPEN SLOT IN DOOR LOOKING UP HIS ASS!!! This is a process that happens every time we are asked to leave the cell; and every time when we are leaving a place where the handcuffs are removed, no matter how long or short the duration or how isolated from anything or anyone we are. After the strip search is finished, the inmate can get dressed. After which he must then turn around and place his hands through the slot in the door behind him to be handcuffed. The door is then opened and the guards, one on each side, will each grab an arm and escort him to visitation.
When a person first gets here to death row, as I said his feeling of self-worth is very low. But the ideal of being able to get a visit makes him feel good. Many times, that person will spend hours thinking about the visit. How it will be. Getting up and grooming himself, so that he can look his best. That is my process, and I have found that many people also do the same thing. It’s like this “nervous” energy builds up in my stomach. So I may do a light workout and then wash up before my visit. I may spend time looking out the window thinking about my visitor; imagining what they are seeing as they drive up here to see me, and also hoping that their process to come in and see me is not as humiliating as the one I have to go through to see them. Or hoping that I can make the visit as enjoyable as possible so that they would be willing to come back and see me. Many of us go through this thought process. Shouldering the humiliation and rebelling inwardly against the feeling of worthlessness that the guards try and instill through the process out to visit. Being stoic about it, while understanding that my Thoughts on Getting ready for visitation is something that I don’t want to show on my face or intrude on me emotionally. Cause visitation is a life line that maybe more than anything else, helps me and many other people back here who goes through the process of getting ready for visitation; helps us keep a sense of self worth – no matter how much the process itself tries to take it away.
Always, in Strength and in Spirit!
Tony Egbuna Ford